Two months down already, and so I’m back to talk about where I’m at and everything new that happened during my second month of HRT.
This time around I’m going to start with my measurement changes, and from there I will talk about everything else….so without further ado, lets get into it.
Day 1, Month 1 measurements:
- Weight: 244lbs
- Chest: 42.5 inches (underbust: 41 inches)
- Waist: 38 inches
- Pant/male waist: 40 inches
- Hips: 43 inches
- Neck: 16 inches
- Bicep: 15 inches
- Wrist: 7 inches
- Ankle: 9.5 inches
Day 1, Month 3 measurements:
- Weight: 239.2lbs
- Chest: 40.5 inches (underbust: 38 inches)
- Waist: 35 inches
- Pant/male waist: 37.5 inches
- Hips: 41.5 inches
- Neck: 15 inches
- Bicep: 14 inches
- Wrist: 6.5 inches
- Ankle: 9 inches
So, I did gain two pounds from the beginning of the month, but my measurements continued to shrink, regardless of the slight weight gain, and that makes me extremely happy. I thought I’d break the change discussion into three categories: physical, mental, and parental warning: sexual. In my mind changes this month were just as significant as the first, and in some ways maybe more. At least, for me they were.
Breast Development: I woke up the second day of HRT month two with an ache in my breasts that hasn’t left since it started. Month one saw the beginning of my breast development and month two saw it continue. I also saw my chest muscle continue to soften while my bra size went from a 42A to a 40B. I’m becoming more comfortable talking about it as I probably should wear something everyday, but I don’t. This is partly due to work, as I will admit if I were full time I’d be going bra shopping instead of wearing shelf camisoles and bralettes. For now, the latter is good enough due to the significant chest muscle I still have, but as it goes more and more I have a feeling I”m going to need more support. At this point, I get the pain of running up and down stairs, or even just running period…like, it really hurts. Funny enough, the pain makes me smile, as it simply reminds me that I’m finally getting the body I’ve always wanted.
Fat Distribution: This really started to show during the second month, as I’ve started to notice a softening to the way my muscles show through the skin. The first place I noticed this was on my torso, specifically my midsection. For those that follow me on Facebook and Twitter I did post comparison pictures that highlighted these changes:
The first picture above was taken a month before HRT and the second picture was six weeks on HRT. Along with the redistribution which you can see, my skin is much softer as well. My legs which have always been chiseled, are still defined but slightly smaller, and they now have a slightly softer look to them, which I only noticed in the past week.
Estrogen redistributes fat into female patterns, but won’t actually move fat, however it will make use of what you have where it needs it, and I’ve seen this start to happen on my hips, my chest, and my butt. I haven’t seen much start to happen with my face, but it will come when it does. While weight didn’t come off in the last month, my body fat percentage is right where it should be. I’m currently sitting at about 24% body fat, and the ideal body fat for a 43 year old woman is 22.5%. Knowing this, my goal is now to make sure it doesn’t go up while trying to continue to shed weight. As the muscle starts to shed, the weight should go down…or I have to make sure it does. I think I have a pretty good handle on this, and am excited to see when this starts to happen.
Muscle Mass: It seems to be on the decline, but as I’ve learned from other girls it does seem the strength is starting to go faster than the actual muscle. This started with muscle endurance first, but in the last week I’ve noticed that certain things have gotten just a little heavier, which I’m just fine with. I’ve noticed my arms are thinning out, as is my chest, and my legs. My shoulders and my back muscles are still hanging on, and I can’t wait for them to start going as well, but the other changes are enough to tide me over and give me confidence that they will soon start to go as well. On another note, while I continue to work my legs by doing cardio, just having a snowball fight the other day with the kids has my back and obliques sore like I put them through a workout. I think I need to start doing some plank exercises as part of a maintenance routine until my body gets to a size where I can introduce strength training again.
Overall, my physical changes have me excited and have had me buying new female clothes, while getting rid of older male clothes. Nothing fancy or super expensive as my body still has quite a bit of changing to do, but I’ve noticed other than slim or skinny fit, most men’s pants seem to leave a bit too much room in the legs and butt. Not sure how this happened as they still look big to me, but clothes fit the way they fit, and clearly they’re starting to fit me differently. All that said, my women’s jeans seem to be fitting me better, and I can’t wait to see what the next few months have in store.
Miscellaneous: My skin continues to get softer and at the end of month one, confirmed in month two I can say that I no longer smell like a boy. My sweat doesn’t stink and neither do my armpits. I can wear the same sports bra for multiple workouts without the stink factor arising immediately. I’ve also started to get more sensitive to heat and cold, which is a nice change of pace as I’m not always on the verge of sweating like in days past!
This continues to be a place that in many ways gives me the greatest satisfaction, but also causes some turmoil at times. In the last month I continue to feel more myself, and when with people, especially other women that know “me,” it has become almost impossible for me not to express female. It is something that I now do unconsciously, and only realize it once I am in conversation. I have to remind myself when with people I don’t know to pull it back a little.
It becomes harder to put on guy clothes each work day, and go to work. I still do it, but it does cause me anxiety that is worse at the beginning of the week. It gets better as the week goes on and I get closer to the weekend. I know this is totally normal, and I deal as best I can, because it is what I need to do for the time being, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I hope my changes start coming even faster so I can stop playing the “boy” charade. As the brain changes faster, it is impossible for the body to keep up. You get to a point where you just want to be you, and I understand why some gals go full-time so quickly. The temptation is there for me too! However, while I know I am a woman, when I go full time at work I want people to see that as well. It is important to me that this happen, and remembering that will keep me on the path that I’ve laid out for me.
This past week, I forgot for the first time, while at the store that I was playing boy. I had just finished paying and the cashier said, “Thank you, sir. Have a great day!” I paused for a second before responding because my brain went, he just called you sir! You’re not a sir…oh wait, yeah, right… Afterwards it made me laugh, and while it might cause others dysphoria…I was presenting male, and it also gave me a warm fuzzy to realize my brain, and how I see myself has intrinsically changed for the better. It’s not something that’s going to make me sad. However, I will admit that if I had been presenting female and been “sirred” then it certainly would have messed with me in a bad way, so I think it important to set the distinction down.
Finally, the way in which I interact with others continues to change, and the way other’s who know me, especially women, confirms this. I now care more, think of others more, and continue to relate to other women better than before. This is not to say women have the market cornered on caring or being empathetic, but it’s the way I go about it, and I know I’m doing a poor job of describing it, but it’s just something I know has changed about myself. I see it in my interactions with my wife and kids as well. Much of this could also have to do with just being happy with who I am now. There is no discounting that not all mental changes are due to HRT directly…some are simply down to feeling good about my future.
(Warning…) Sexual Changes
Changes here are minor this month, and so there isn’t much to say. For one, I didn’t have much of a desire to experiment or test things, and so I simply didn’t. I typically don’t think about sex unless I’m going to fantasize, and while I will admit the nature of my fantasies has changed, both when I’m awake or when dreaming (I’m never a man or have male anatomy anymore). As for physical, I might be seeing slight shrinkage of my testicles, but not entirely sure at this point. I’m also continuing to see a decreased volume of what comes out, and the consistency is becoming more watery in nature.
Overall, I am happy with the changes I’m seeing as I continue moving forward. I see my doctor on the 20th, and I hope to increase both my spiro and my estrodiol. Still waiting to see a couple big ticket things start to change, but it give me something to look forward to, and so I will continue to eye my future with positivity.