So, if you follow me on Twitter or are a friend on Facebook then you know that I have mailed out my “Coming Out” letters to family. As such, I’m nervous and anxious, so I figured I’d stick to a light and fun post today…and leave the serious post for after I hear back from my parents. There is much I want to talk about on that front, but will save that for early next week most likely.
With that being said, I wanted to talk about the expansion of my expression last week, and how away from work it is very hard for me to simply wear “guy” clothes anymore. However, there is a vast array of clothing that fits my casual style, and can present more androgynous if the outfit is put together a certain way. I’m not one for skirts and dresses yet, because I simply do not have the body for either, and at least for me I won’t wear things that don’t make me look good. Just because I love the red patterned pencil skirt paired with the creme colored silk 3/4 sleeve blouse in the window at the mall doesn’t mean I think it will look good on me. Wearing things that make me feel “mannish” doesn’t make me feel better or pretty, it makes me feel horrible. Just because they make it in my size, also doesn’t mean it will look good on me, and it is a must that however I present…I do it well.
So, all that said, what do I buy and what do I wear? I know style, and I dressed my wife for years. I put together outfits that look good on me, and fit my sense of self. I am an outdoorsy hippie girl for the most part, and so my casual style reflects that. I am also a trans woman in her early forties, and so I also keep that in mind. The idea is to present well, and not to get clocked. I’m all for another girl wearing what she wants, but I don’t need to wear dresses and heels to tell me I’m a female. This seems to be an overriding assumption of many people that trans women have to wear dresses and makeup…and it’s bullshit.
I’m an athlete who loves to play soccer, and I’m a backpacker with over 3,000 miles hiked…I wear clothing that suits who I am…not who the world thinks I should be. So feel free to check out some of the items I bought to allow me to feel more comfortable in my own skin as my transition moves along.
Before getting into my clothing purchases below, I wanted to highlight something and that is the beauty of online shopping. Currently I wear a 14/16 in pants, and am certain my ass looks better than most women who wear the same size (cis or trans), but I wear an 18/20 (XXL) in tops, unless tanks and then I can wear an XL in most. For the trans woman just beginning to spread her wings most major retailers offer extended sizing and the freedom to shop without the constant lurking sales girl who tends to follow you throughout an actual physical store. Most retailers offer free returns, and so I make it a habit of ordering what I want in multiple sizes as I’m between two at the moment. I can try things on in the comfort of my home and return the sizes that do not work for me. This is especially nice for foundational wear, as I’m nowhere near the point where I feel comfortable going into a dressing room to try on bras, etc.
Now…onto the clothing (I’ve included hyper links to all clothing still available online for anyone interested)…and I will note that the only thing I’ve actually tried on to date is a pair of jeans I already own. The rest will be arriving in the coming days.
For me, after a day of work I am all about comfort, as I am most weekends. Still being bigger in the shoulders and back it isn’t easy to find women’s shirts in XXL sizing. North Face does carry a large number. I love these colors and graphics…and can layer with long sleeve shirts underneath on a winter day along with a fleece or down vest.
Being a soccer player and hiker I have bigger legs, which are still heavily muscled. I actually like my legs, but not all pants seem to fit them. The Aphrodite pant is perfect for the outdoors or for just chilling around town. I spend most of my time outside of work running around with the kids, and so casual is what I want. The pants are definitely for women, but also don’t bring a second glance in public which is what I want where I currently am at in transition.
North Face Morninglory 2 Fleece Jacket
Again, bigger shoulders means I need to deemphasize. It also means I need to find XXL jackets and the Morninglory 2 fits that bill. I got it in the vintage white above, and can’t wait for it to come. This is much more my style for winters in north Georgia.
These pants are right up my alley (no pun intended!). I’ve had my eye on the Louisa pants for awhile and and the Halle pants come recommended by a friend as her go to pants. Again, they’re the perfect about town pants, or equally as good for outdoor gatherings which suits me just fine.
So, I bought these shoes because I needed some cute outdoorsy shoes, and I’ve loved the Keen brand for awhile. Obviously I bought these with the clothes that I’m getting in mind. The link above is to the woman’s shoe, but they also have them in many of the same colors in men’s sizing for us gals with bigger feet. I’ve already got my eye on the black ones with the purple laces, but went with the ones above for my initial purchase.
I LOVE American Eagle jeans. I’ve bought the male versions for awhile, and already have a lighter pair of the women’s skinny jeans which are my favorite pair now. They have just the right amount of stretch, and I think my legs look great in them. I decided to order the darker pair of skinny, and then after finding my old cowboy boots decided to go ahead and get the Kick Jeans as well. Online AEO sells them in extended sizing up to 20, and in short, regular, long, and extra long.
Love these over-sized sweaters as they de-emphasize the shoulders and can be worn with just about anything. They’re also usually super comfy. I already have a similar one from American Eagle, and decided to take a chance on this one from Gap as I got it for less than half the original price on Cyber Monday. I usually need a Tall, but am hoping that the regular XXL will do the trick as I want it to fit more loosely on me. For me, I’m all about over-sized sweaters and have a feeling these will be staple in my wardrobe for some time to come.
I am at the point that I do need some extra support at times, or by the end of the day I can be somewhat sore. As I’m not a fan of pain I’ve gone to wearing bralettes under tank tops and shirts now. I’m hoping that these seamless ones will hide better under male dress shirts and so I picked up one in the above color and one in white.
Aerie is becoming a staple in my closet, and while designed for younger women…I love their stuff and find it well made. I’m especially falling in love with their undies. Made of better materials than what Victoria’s Secret is using today, I decided to start switching over as I’m about to go down an undie size. Last week they were running a crazy deal, 10 pairs for $35! Too good to pass up so I ordered ten pairs all in my smaller size. I’m a huge fan of their Shine line, but have also decided to try a couple other materials with this order. The Boybrief is akin to most lines’ hipster undies, and when they have them the hi-cut bikinis are some of the most comfortable I’ve ever worn, considering the junk I have to smuggle around…plus their undies are just plain cute.
One thing most women know is that women’s pants pockets are almost purely decoration, and so I am sick of carrying things in my hands whenever I wear them. Plus I also have a need/desire to start carrying more things with me. The Kavu bag is outdoorsy, which fits my style, and is androgynous enough to fill the role of a first purse/bag for me. Obviously, I also need a wallet as I can’t stand the wallet bulge that is really noticeable in women’s jeans. This is a big step for me, and I actually can’t wait for them to come in the mail.
So, now those who follow me have a pretty good idea of my casual style in the evening and on weekends. All told I spent close to $1,000 this week, but considering I have almost nothing in my female wardrobe any woman knows that really isn’t much money at all. Depending on how everything fits once it comes in, I may order another pair of Prana pants, and a couple more North Face t-shirts, but we’ll see how that goes.